Part 5....guest stories

So, we all know that working in a restaurant we deal with guests everyday. Some are great and some are just outright dumb. We all want to be able to say something to them but we can't in fear of losing our jobs....Well, here we go now...Here are a few stories that I have encountered over the years, but not all.(got to leave something for later)

This one is from one of the delivery drivers.."Do you realize how much basil smells like pot, I always think someone has weed on them when I deliver basil."

I want to buy a dozen of your *****..OK your total is 3.93..How many do I get in a dozen?

Does the sweet tea have sugar in it, or do I need to add it myself?

I know that I ordered the steak, but I got full of the bread and salad...could you just take it off the bill for me?

You know that you are the player when you bring your girlfriend in for lunch and then turn around and bring your wife in for dinner..only thing, make sure you don't get the same server...Hey, nice to see you back for dinner, is this your sister or was she with you earlier?

Look, I know that we all have our moments of stupidity, but if you trip over a big rock or a bush or some other type of landscape that was clearly visible, why are you going to try and sue me? We should have a bullshit clause in our insurance policy..

So, it is one thing to bring in a cake or some type of dessert for a birthday group, but how does one person walk into a restaurant, sit at the bar for a couple of hours then ask the bartender if they could order them something from the restaurant down the street?

Guests call the restaurant on a Friday night at 7:30pm..(busiest time of the day) and ask the manager or host on duty if they could track down their daughter for them...They are 32, black hair, light skinned, wears glasses or contacts, and is with her boyfriend....I'm sorry, you just named at least 75 people in my restaurant...any other details you could tell me about them, or would you like me to find the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow for you as well?

There will be two of us for smoking please....(walks them to the smoking section) Why is there smoke in the smoking section?

Every year on Easter Sunday, restaurants will have competitions amongst the servers...Who has the funniest hat...I assume that on Easter, the bigger the hat, is the more christian you are...And let's not forget you have to have at least 1 bird, a flower and the spaceship going across the side to qualify..(no I am not making this up, people do wear these hats)

Can you walk me to my car, I am afraid that the black man over there is going to attack me. Which one mam, so I can look out for you. Oh, he is the one sitting over there. Are you talking about the one in the wheelchair? Do you think he is going to roll over your foot?

Mam, I am going to have to take your drink from you. Why do you need to do that? Well, unfortunately, it is against the law to serve anyone under 21, and since she is still sitting in a highchair, I would assume she is not quite 21.

Can you take this steak off the bill for me? What seems to be wrong with it. Well, I ordered it to be extra well done and it is too dry for me. So you asked for it to be extra well done? Yes, I don't want any juices in it. So you want it to be well done and dry? Exactly...Then once again, what is wrong with the steak?

One of my all time favorites...

Yes, I would like a Lobster tail with extra drawn butter, a steak cooked medium with a baked potato, with extra butter and sour cream, an order of your soup, and extra bread...OK mam, and what can I get you to drink...I'll take a diet coke, I am trying to watch my weight...So you want a diet coke to go with your steak, potato, butter, sour cream, lobster, and bowl of soup...No, let me change the soup to a salad with extra ranch dressing on the side....it is better for me...

Now, just so you know...I have not made any of the previous stories up...I have witnessed every last one and I still have sooo much more to tell you, but you will have to keep reading daily to hear them all....This is my life as a restaurant manager, and I wouldn't change it.

Hope you enjoy tonight's edition....tomorrows is already in the thoughts